Happiness Comes from Subtle Things

Happiness Comes from Subtle Things
Udaya Pant

Subtle things are more important in our daily lives than the important ones. What we always think are small or petty matters are actually the day today matters that keep us unhappy if ignored. A big thing can provide you reasons for happiness once a while but small things can cause you tremendous stress every day! There are the things I prefer to address as the ‘finer aspects’. We shall discuss a few of them in the succeeding paragraphs. Medieval India’s famous poet Rahim says “when you sight the big, do not discard the small ones; where you need a needle what can a sword to?”

Manage your Ego: We all have egos, pride and certain degrees of self-respect. All these are essential facts of our personality. But a little bit of overdose in ‘ego’ can be counter-productive at all times. Try to find the reasons of your ‘ego’, if you find them positive ones convert it into pride; or else wash it off by positive thinking. Meet a friend who knows all about you, visit a teacher or any enlightened person in case you find it difficult to do it on your own. We just have to understand the cycle of pride to ego, and back to pride; and again to normal situations. It is simple only if you try it.

Make Friends: The first basic principle of friendship is that it is always at equal level. You may be of different nation, religion, age or sex but the friends are always on a one to one basis. This is what makes friendship so important. What you can never tell so many people close to you, you can unhesitantly tell your friends. You can discuss important matters, advise each other or argue on everything but with good understanding and reasons to help each other. It is often a kind of complimentary relationship for mutual benefits and concerns.

Appreciate Ground Realities
Some of us never felt happy with the amount of attention we got from our family and parents without realizing the actual reasons for that. Today we may appreciate that within the available time, circumstances and resource perhaps that was the best we could have got. Some people who live in a joint family as senior citizen think that their younger ones are not caring for them enough! These can be very tricky things. You must appreciate that you have lived your productive period of life and the others are now living it or aiming for the same.

Win Over the ‘I’ Problem
While it is very important in life to protect yourself – respect and self-esteem, it is also equally important to shed the ‘I’ bias or ‘we always’ syndrome. You are very important for you and may be others too; but if your actions, thoughts and efforts are always ‘I-centric’ others will also stop caring for you and you will be rightly branded as a person who suffers from ‘I-problem’!

Be Bold and Practical
There is a saying that if you keep doing things like you have always done them, what you will get is what you have already got. Loes Holtz says, “you’re never as good as everyone tells you when you win, and you’re never as bad as they say when you lose.” You do not have to necessarily follow the paths and methods prescribed by others. Each one of us is different and faces different obstacles, chances and circumstances. As Linda Ellerbee said, “only dead fish swim with the stream.” You have to be optimistic, cautious, bold and practical to face the challenges and realities which have the opportunities hidden behind them for you.

Always lend a helping hand
Every living being wants to be cared for and get the concern of others. Human beings expect much more than the other being for reasons of their being a rational and social animal. No one likes to be in the company of some one who lives life a parasite or lives on the work done by the others. If you are the earning member of the family, your duties and responsibilities do not end with the providing of money for the household needs. You still need to lend a helping hand in shopping for provisions, cleaning the house at least occasionally, dusting and arranging of books and documents in the house, changing the settings of furniture etc. in the house once in a while, play with children and help them out to quench their thirst of the growing curiosity, participate in the family and community celebrations with active involvement, caring for the senior citizens in the family and around and so on.

Retain and maintain your curiosity
The best known curiosity is the curiosity of a child and we all have it or had it but never did we find our curiosity fully answered. That kept us bringing this far in life and will take much beyond. With the curiosity in life we found new answers, reasons, experiences and thoughts of our own! No one can convince us till we are convinced by ourselves. “Curiosity”, says James Stephens, “Will conquer fear even more than bravery will.” Such is the importance of curiosity in life that without it our lives may become redundant and stale!

Understand the Dynamics of Relationships
The best thing about relationship is, as once Susmita Sen (ex Miss Universe) once said, “It is about sharing and caring.” No relationship can be unilateral for long be it family, society or friends. More you give ‘in a relationship is the secret to ‘get back much more.” Everyone likes to have at least normal relations with any one else and friendly and still closer relations with people near and dear to us. Trust and understanding are the key to sustain a relationship and yes, it has to be always mutual. Even if it is unilateral sometimes the ‘trust’ and will make it roll-back to be mutual within no time.

Be creative
Creativity has nothing to do with age, place or persons; it is omnipresent in various forms and degrees. Brenda Ueland says, “I learned … that inspiration does not come in like a bolt, nor is it kinetic, energetic striving, but it comes into us slowly and quietly and all the times, though we must regularly and every day give it a little chance to start flowing, prime it with a little solitude and idleness.” Inspiration has a lot to do with our creativity to be put into action. Creativity is a personality trait of each one of us but few of us get inspired to tap its potentials.

Value the time of others
Many times we ourselves find that someone is wasting your time only to ‘lull’ his or her own time. For such people we always remember that proverbial saying, “If you have nothing to do, don’t do it here.” But we are not able to say so with authority and conviction at all times (rather most of the time). We must learn from our own experience that we may also be in the same boat when we do that to others. You must appreciate a simple thing that ‘you may have a lot of time but others may not’.

Be an Optimistic and Smiling Person
Everyone who is living in this world is optimistic in some way or other. Even the cynics and bragging people hope for better days and better things in life, at least for themselves. When I say here to be optimist, what I mean to say is have a positive outlook towards everything in life. See and hope for positive things out of negative events or circumstances also. This is basically the attitude development exercise. One cynic told long ago that ‘pessimists are the one time optimists with negative experiences in life! That’s nothing but a losers comment and I don’t care about such explanations.

Be a Good Companion
The whole thing about the companionship revolves around the mutual respect, care and concern. In any kind of companionship go beyond you are expected to prove to be a good one. It counts a lot on what we do for our companion, rather than what we expect of him or her.

Enjoy yourself Too
Most things we do in life are for others. To keep others happy or to get appreciated by one do a lot of things; but to keep ourselves happy we do precious little. You must take time and money out for your own enjoyment too. Eat good food to your taste and liking, go out and occasionally enjoy the drink that you like the most, go out with you exclusion friends sometimes. Bye good clothes of your choice. Spend money as cosmetics, for expensive toiletries etc.

Travel Locally and Outstations
You read about the story of the ‘frog of a well’ that I cited earlier. The mental horizon can be broadened most by direct experiences too. Mostly narrow-minded people are those who have not the surroundings, other people of different behavior; and the outside world! See the places, people, cultures, traditions, flora, fauna and nature adventure; when travel and feel the difference. Most of the people, who do not get time at their disposal as much they would have wanted to, have plenty of that when they travel out of their city or country. Spending money on holidays and traveling is an investment for both rejuvenation and to gain practical wisdom for a broad outlook in life.

Music Can Unfold Endless Happiness
Nothing is more peaceful transcendent, thought provoking, mind smoothening than music. Music can be a divine pleasure to hear, to play or to hum around. The eternal passion that one can develop of music shall stay as a every moment companion of a different world. One has to develop his or her liking for the kind of music; but as you grow you can develop taste for good music. The light classical and classical music may not be an all time favourite of all ages but these stay as sometime favourite of everybody.

Be Charitable
Being charitable is progressively fading away with the consumer culture. Do not forget at many times what we have achieved with the help (direct or indirect) and charitable nature of others. Even our parents could have thought that ‘it’s my life’ but no, they always follows to a great or small extent what they saw in the behaviour of their social and family traditions. These days a lot of people think that being charitable is being foolish and blowing up one’s hard earned money. You can find a paradox in their behaviour they would sulk in their personality if any one approaches them seeking charity of small amounts; but they would try to prove their charitable nature and satisfy their ego by being extra generous at a bar or restaurant or hotel!

Don’t Run After ‘Truth’, Unless You are a Philosopher
‘Truth’ is a relative phenomenon for the common people but for the thinkers and philosophers ‘truth’ is something that needs to be delved into. Most of the philosophers live in their own world and do not bother about individual instances. For them truth is a purpose which ultimately everyone sees from his or her own understanding and abstract thinking. As Mahatma Gandhi said, “Truth is what the voice within tells you”. “Truth is first to be sought for, and Beauty and Goodness will then be added unto you”, he said also.

Go Beyond Humans
Have you heard the animals singing and the different kinds of animal behaviour you ever noticed? There is so much to read, see, feel and listen to about the animals other than humans. Your interest in watching and listening to animal songs and watching their communication system can open the floodgates of a pleasure of a different kind. Even the whales sing long songs although from some of them you require special equipments to hear the low beat songs sung at the deep in the water. The hump back whales you can hear singing beautifully without any special equipment. The dolphins too sing around the surface.